From the Beat of My, From the Beat of My Heart

Mark started this internet meme and nudged it over my way: What’re the biggest musical skeletons in your closet?

Oh boy. This isn’t going to be good or easy. I’ve listened to a lot of indefensibly uncool music. But after paring down the list, here are some of my more egregious musical eskeletos.

Hillary Duff’s Most Wanted

I don’t remember why I got this album. Maybe I was just trolling around for new music and it was a slow week, I don’t know. But I got it and I’ve listened to it way, way more than I should have. Through most of the album Hillary Duff sings about the trials of being a teenager and the tribulations of her celebrity, and in many parts it’s just nauseating. Most people won’t even make it through the first verse of the album’s first song, “Wake Up”, which isn’t even close to the worst song on Most Wanted (that distinction probably goes to this cover with her sister Halie of “Our Lips Are Sealed” by the Go-Gos). But I do sort of like the all post-prod glossy pop of “The Beat of My Heart” and “Come Clean (Remix)” which I’d, indefensibly, sometimes listen to in the car — with the volume low and the windows up.

KoRn
KoRn are terrible. They’re not tough. They’re not cool. They make terrible musical choices. Their drummer posed for a CK jeans ad and they’re pretty much the poster boys for the entire embarrassing Nu Metal genre. On top of all that, earlier this year KoRn did an unplugged album that’s just wicked shitty. The mash-up of Make Me Bad with The Cure’s In-between Days and Freak On A Leash with the girl from Evanesence will kick you right in your mind’s nuts. But KoRn yell and swear and sometimes get a good rhythm going and I like that.

I’m so sorry.

Robert Palmer and *new* George Michael

It’s cool to talk about old George Michael like it’s cool to wear t-shirts with drawings of robots and reminisce about The Goonies. But you know what’s not a cool topic of discussion? New music from George Michael. Maybe that’s because in the public eye he’s gone from super heterosexual sex icon to old creepy gay pervert. But regardless, I’ve been through most of George Michael’s new music, and some of it really has flashes of quality pop music. There was the iconic “Freedom ‘90”, “Too Funky”, “Fast Love” and this out of nowhere video for “Outside”. Yeah, there was also this cover of “Roxanne” and this video for “Freeek”, but that’s what usually keeps George in my musical closet. Also, everyone knows Robert Palmer’s hits like “Addicted to Love”, “Simply Irresistible”, and even “Some Like It Hot” with Power Station. But Palmer also put out some really interesting albums in the late 70’s, all of which I own on vinyl because I went through big Robert Palmer phase. I even cleaned up an early version of Palmer’s wikipedia page, which is almost as embarrassing as Mark’s crush on Elton John.

And there you go. I’m now going to spend the rest of the day listening to “Conquest” on Icky Thump to try and feel better about myself. And if Smooth, Sarah, Molly, Paul, Chuck want to share the embarrassement, I’d be very curious as to their answers.