I need a good pickup line, something that will sweep a girl off her feet and into my bed. Give me some sort of dope line, please!

Slug: Try this one. Next time you’re at Daiquiri Joe’s tossing a few back with your Billy Bro-ceans, walk right up to that long-legged makeup kit and tell her, “I’m the type of guy that thinks it’s hilarious to write into an advice column asking for good pickup lines.” Dog, she will think you are the cat’s pajamas.

— Slug answers letters in the Onion AV Club.